Monday, July 20, 2009

Barbie Takes a Tumble



The misfortune of others is never a laughing matter.

....Unless they've got it coming...then you can't help but chuckle. I normally wouldn't blog about someone else's suffering..but in this case, I just have to!

The other day when I went to the gym all of the tv's were down and my ipod chose that exact moment to run out of juice. I'd walked all the way so I wasn't about to turn around and call it a day. I decided to do the unthinkable...

Workout without noise (ie. music or television). It's sad, but I can't remember a time when I didn't have earphones in my head during a workout. I've grown quite accustom to the instrumentals that distract my body from its repetitive movements. I wish I was one of those people who actually enjoyed going to the gym for the fun of it! I don't mind it when I'm there, and I feel great afterwards, but I definitely need something to occupy my thoughts while I'm sweating profusely (or "glowing" as girls do - according to Mrs. Kiefl).

So, as I'm motoring along on the elliptical, zoning out to the crickets in my head....in walks Barbie!

No, she wasn't made of plastic, but she might as well should have been.

There is a long row of treadmills infront of the ellipticals. I guess she must have mistaken it for a catwalk by the way she pranced down the aisle.

It was a particularly slow day at the gym (usually its jam-packed with all of the interns going straight from work between 6-10pm) and there were only 2 other people on the treadmills....leaving her a pick of any one of the dozens available. For some reason she felt it necessary to stick her chest out and swing her hips all the way until the VERY LAST treadmill. Every single pair of eyes followed her movements as she strutted down the "runway."

Most of the other people you see in the gym are dressed in the usual t-shirt and shorts.

Nuh-uh - Barbie wasn't having any of that. She's a style icon, remember?

She was sporting a see-through white beater tank (almost translucent, as though it'd been through the wash a few times) with a BLACK, LACY, PUSH-UP BRA. The lace was peeking out overtop of the white tank top. She was wearing PINK (barbies gotta have her pink) converse shoes. On bottom - black spandex short-shorts with the outline of a heart in diamonds on one of the cheeks. Classy broad. Maybe she was coming from work after all...?

Her hair was in a high flouncy ponytail that she re-did a record number of 7 times while making weird, pouting faces in the mirror (I didn't have any other distractions!  I might as well tally the # of times she re-does her pony)

Now despite her obvious blunder of mistaking the gym for a strip club, I had nothing against this girl. I actually started zoning out again until she started "running." Trust me, quotations are necessary.

I have never seen such a bizarre attempt at "running" in my life. It looked like raggedy ann attempting a scene out of baywatch. Her hands were oddly crooked into little rabbit paws and were pushing the air as though she were doggie-paddling. Basically if I were to sum it up - she looked like a mix between a reindeer prancing on Christmas eve / a bunny chasing a dangling stick with a carrot on the end....her path on the treadmill was not smooth, she was jogging all over the moving platform. I wish you could have witnessed it in person.

In any case, I tore my eyes away from aerobics barbie and continued to mindlessly trudge along.

All of a sudden, I hear the loud thud of her ipod zooming off the end of the treadmill.  As I look over, I see a blonde mass of hair and diamond encrusted booty shorts roll both ankles over each other.  Limb-by-limb she collapsed, flying off the treadmill herself! It was the loudest noise you've ever heard.

Everyone in the room was looking down at their machines trying their HARDEST to stiffle even the slightest snicker. I have never in my life seen such an epic treadmill bail (..I don't think I've EVER seen someone fall off of a treadmill in general).

I've gotta give the girl props though, she gave a meek little "oww" as she disentangled herself and tediously got back on the treadmill (while furiously pressing buttons to slow it down). Rubbed her knee for a few minutes.. and then resumed into a fast "walk" (more like a bouncy stroll down the miami boardwalk) Oh after she fixed her hair for the 5th time!

Five minutes later she'd had enough (of her total 15 minute workout), re-did her pony twice more, and strutted one final time down the catwalk of workout equipment.

I hope the TV's break more often.

1 comment:

Mrs. K. said...

Hey! Thanks for the 'shout-out' Louise!